Daily Devotion: Monty Python, Blasphemy, and Bloodlust

Bible Readings for Saturday February 19th, 2011 – The 7th Week of Epiphany

*Click on each bible passage to expand the text.
Psalm 119:33-40

33. Teach me, O LORD, the way of your statutes, and I will observe it to the end.
34. Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.
35. Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.
36. Turn my heart to your decrees, and not to selfish gain.
37. Turn my eyes from looking at vanities; give me life in your ways.
38. Confirm to your servant your promise, which is for those who fear you.
39. Turn away the disgrace that I dread, for your ordinances are good.
40. See, I have longed for your precepts; in your righteousness give me life.

Leviticus 24:10-23

10. A man whose mother was an Israelite and whose father was an Egyptian came out among the people of Israel; and the Israelite woman’s son and a certain Israelite began fighting in the camp.
11. The Israelite woman’s son blasphemed the Name in a curse. And they brought him to Moses– now his mother’s name was Shelomith, daughter of Dibri, of the tribe of Dan–
12. and they put him in custody, until the decision of the LORD should be made clear to them.
13. The LORD said to Moses, saying:
14. Take the blasphemer outside the camp; and let all who were within hearing lay their hands on his head, and let the whole congregation stone him.
15. And speak to the people of Israel, saying: Anyone who curses God shall bear the sin.
16. One who blasphemes the name of the LORD shall be put to death; the whole congregation shall stone the blasphemer. Aliens as well as citizens, when they blaspheme the Name, shall be put to death.
17. Anyone who kills a human being shall be put to death.
18. Anyone who kills an animal shall make restitution for it, life for life.
19. Anyone who maims another shall suffer the same injury in return:
20. fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth; the injury inflicted is the injury to be suffered.
21. One who kills an animal shall make restitution for it; but one who kills a human being shall be put to death.
22. You shall have one law for the alien and for the citizen: for I am the LORD your God.
23. Moses spoke thus to the people of Israel; and they took the blasphemer outside the camp, and stoned him to death. The people of Israel did as the LORD had commanded Moses.

Matthew 7:1-12

1. “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged.
2. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get.
3. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?
4. Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye?
5. You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.
6. “Do not give what is holy to dogs; and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under foot and turn and maul you.
7. “Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.
8. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.
9. Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone?
10. Or if the child asks for a fish, will give a snake?
11. If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
12. “In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.

• Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it. – Psalm 119:35
• Anyone who maims another shall suffer the same injury in return: fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth; the injury inflicted is the injury to be suffered. – Leviticus 24:19-20
• For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. – Matthew 7:2

And now, a short “reenactment” (loosely defined) of our passage today from Leviticus 24, presented in the style of the stoning scene from Monty Python’s “Life of Brian”:

Mob: “This man has blasphemed! We, the faithful righteous, have imprisoned him for your judgment, O Lord God.”

God: “Really? Well, let’s see… Okay, here goes: anyone who blasphemes the name of the Lord shall be stoned to death by the whole community.”

Mob: “Stone the blasphemer! Stone the blasphemer!”

God: “Yes, he should be killed by your own hand outside the camp. Lay your hands upon his head and then turn his face into mush with rocks.”

Mob: “Rocks to the face of the blasphemer! God is great!”

God: “Yes, well… fine. Oh, by the way…”

Mob: “Yes? Oh, great and holy Lord?”

God: “… anyone who kills a human being shall be put to death.”

Mob: “Yes, O Lord! Any who kills another… wait, what??”

God: “… fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth; the injury inflicted is the injury to be suffered.”

Mob: “So… we CAN kill him because he ‘injured’ your holy name?”

God: “No. I’m trying  to make a point here…”

Mob: “Ooh, what if he’s only half Jewish? His Mum’s a mummy-lover. Stone the half-breed! Stone the half-breed!”

God: “Listen, you are to have the same law for the alien and the native-born, but that’s not really the point here…”

Mob: “Unless they blaspheme the name of the Lord! Stone the half-breed blasphemer!   Stone the half-breed blasphemer!”

God: “Stop it, you dense and savage idiots! I am not allowing you to kill another, I am showing you the hypocrisy of killing another! You may not kill, not for retribution, not for blaspheming, not for anything! Goddammit, listen to me! I am Jehovah, your God.”

Mob: “What did he say?”

God: “I said that I am not condoning killing him, I am..”

Mob: “He just blasphemed the Name in a curse.”

God: “Are you kidding me? It’s my name for Christ’s sake?!?”

Mob: “Who?”

God: “Oh, Never mind…”

Mob: “Kill God the Blasphemer! Kill God the Blasphemer!”

God: “*sighs* Stupid covenant promise.”